Why is it impossible to find these cutting tools, even just one of them, when I need them. Today I was lucky enough to have found a pair for cutting hair which I then converted to cutting paper. It’s a simple bit of conversion magic I had to conjure: take the pair of hair cutting scissors and begin cutting paper with them.

But I digress. So, I begin cutting paper coupons with these now-deemed magically converted shears. I’ve used them on and off all day while cutting the coupons on my bed. It was a lovely, lazy day, so I worked (more like procrastinated my true writing by cutting coupons) from my bed.

Later in the day, when my husband and I climbed into bed, I looked everywhere for that pair of shears. I snapped out blankets, cleared off the comforter, and shook out the sheets with no luck.

This is the equivalent of losing my keys on a regular basis or the remotes to the televisions. (So many remotes with so little functionality for what we need.) I wish the people who make the Jitterbug cell phone would create a remote based on the concept of their “phones for seniors”: simple, big numbers, easy to use, and buttons for only the functionality we will really need to make an actual phone call.

Again, I’ve digressed. I’m convinced our bed is a vortex into which these little, yet “important”, items of our lives are sucked, vanishing forever, lost to whatever is on the other side of that vortex. It starts off with whatever linens I’ve chosen for the bed. I’ve found that the more luxurious the comforter or duvet, the more likely the items disappear.

Tomorrow afternoon, I’m buying a pair of scissors for every room in our house.

Which means that tomorrow morning, I’ll probably discover the aforementioned pair of scissors peeking out from underneath my pillow or at the bottom of the sheets at the end of the bed.

Along with blood since I will most definitely have stabbed some part of my body.

Going to be a lovely evening, and an even better morning.