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Lately, and especially today, I’m pondering, ruminating, why I’m here. What is the purpose of human life? If we all die, what is the point? I know, the journey and all that scheisse (“shiza”), but the pain of losing someone is so great for me, I have a hard time comprehending loss along with what happens after, or even what my own impression or vision or understanding of “after” is. I’m even more frightened because of that. I’m skeptical when anyone, due to faith or other reasons, seems fine with death.

I have lost someone today, last night actually, suddenly, unexpectedly, and I don’t understand.